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Riley

Journal of a 27-year-old Virgin

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Season of Singleness (Pt. 2)

5/16/2019

5 Comments

 
Firstly, I want to take a moment to thank each reader. There are THOUSANDS of people who read each journal and HUNDREDS of individuals who have messaged me. I am deeply honored that you would choose my flawed words to spend a few minutes with in your busy schedule. I am simply a human who decided to lay her heart on the line, online to strangers. But let’s not be strangers, okay?

Without further ado, here is Journal Two on the Season of Singleness.

Temporary distractions or long-term rewards
I read on Instagram the other day, “There were all these fish in the sea and yet I had my eye on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues” #relatable. Are you feeling like you have been here before? Your cry session last month was associated with the same feeling of disappointment and hurt as today’s tears? Are you done with confusing games and “wyd” texts?

I’m guilty of texting five guys at the same time and going on dates with three different men in one week (debatably not a bad move! #freedinner). One night in particular, I was staring at a handsome man and a thought passed through my mind, “he’s a temporary distraction”. Put bluntly, I was relying on a man to feed my unhealthy desire for attention. I (emphasis on I, not him) was blocking myself from becoming a self-sustainable vessel of love. I’m going to be vulnerable with you right now. I’ve dated men I don’t really like, I just like the never-ending flow of compliments that leave their lips. Can you relate? (note: my love language is words)

I once called my mom and told her I was sick with a common disease called “male-attention addiction”. You’re either laughing right now or thinking dannng that’s me! My mom said to me, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”. If you want a one-in-a-million kind of love, you need to stop accepting second best. Put differently, your King/Queen will not show up until you get rid of your jokers.

Also, dear human, your heart is like a child who needs tender care. Please give yourself time, grace and patience to heal heart-injuries and addictions. By doing so, you might choose to farewell the emotionally distant salmon. And I bet one day you’ll find a cute, friendly rainbow fish will be swimming circles around you!

“I’m not looking for a fling. I’m looking for someone to plant flowers in my soul. Someone made of water and sunlight. Someone who knows how to pour themselves just to help me grow.” R. M. Drake

Doubting he/she is out there
Confession time…. I’ve had more chocolate-eating, wine-drinking, binge-watching, track pants-wearing nights that I want to ever admit. And sometimes these nights lead to a box of tissues and a Bridget Jones movie, shouting “he’s not out there”. But if I can trust a puzzle company to make sure every piece is in the box to complete the puzzle, then why can't I trust God (or the universe) that every piece of my life, including my future boo, is there.

Feeling a little heartbroken now and then is a good thing. It’s your heart’s way of signalling to your mind that you still care. It's how you know there are these things for you in this world that still matter. Things that are still worth hunting for in this big world of other searching hearts. I like the idea that the person I will marry is currently walking on earth, living their own life, creating memories that I'll hear about years from now. I also believe it’s better to wait long, then date or marry wrong.

So, for now, settle your heart. Your time will come. One of these days you will lock eyes with someone who makes you feel at home. And you will sigh and think to yourself, Ah, there you are.


On March 6, 2015, I wrote this in my journal:
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Next Journal is about a very ​controversial subject! Want to know what it is? You will find out in two weeks ;) Get ready!
5 Comments
Rylie Silva
9/2/2019 10:40:00 pm

Beautiful writing! You've got my subscription

Reply
Afua
10/26/2019 05:00:46 pm

You're doing an amazing job! Your words are really inspiring me to be patient as I wrestle with my season of singleness.

Reply
Jessie Azarov
12/17/2020 08:11:42 pm

Very empowering writing! These are the kinds of things getting me through my break-up and helping me stay strong. I appreciate your vulnerability to share this to the world !

Reply
Sean Short link
2/1/2021 09:10:20 am

Great post thannk you

Reply
Koretta Scott
4/28/2021 10:53:27 pm

lmao when you shame other people to feel better about yourself

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    Journal of a Virgin  
    JOURNAL ONE
    JOURNAL TWO
    JOURNAL THREE
    JOURNAL FOUR

    Season of Singleness
    JOURNAL FIVE
    JOURNAL SIX

    Porn is not real love
    JOURNAL SEVEN

    Two Types of Singleness
    ​JOURNAL EIGHT 
    JOURNAL NINE

    Break-up
    JOURNAL TEN
    ​
    JOURNAL ELEVEN​

    How far is too far?
    ​JOURNAL TWELVE


    ​Masturbation
    JOURNAL THIRTEEN
    ​JOURNAL FOURTEEN

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