I once asked my mother, “how do I find the right man?”
She laughed and said, “Honey, that’s the wrong question. How can you be the right woman?”
In other words, rather than asking yourself “who should I date?”, pose the question “would you date you?”
I’ve lived on the earth that rotates around the sun for twenty-four years. And for twenty-three of them, I have been single. I must admit, I haven’t always walked the season of singleness well. I got desperate and replied to the “you up?” late-night texts. Or let my manager take me on a date which risked both of us getting fired. I also one time meet an Astronaut in Hawaii and must have flirted damn well because he followed me back to New Zealand. As in, he flew from one country to another just to spend more quality time with me!
Despite my downfalls, this Two-Part Journal is to present a case of reasons why the season of singleness is awesome and how to do single well. I believe there’s a beautiful purpose in every season. In spite of this, culture has made singleness feels like a disease.
But first, self-love
A stranger in a coffee shop once asked me (yes, this happens on the regular, especially with a nickname Smiles) “what’s the greatest lesson someone should learn?”. I told him, “That since day one, we already have everything we need within ourselves. It’s the world that convinces us we do not.” (re-read that, and then read it again) You, as a single human, are enough. You don’t need another human to complete you. You are not some rainbow that is missing a colour. Accepting this truth requires starting the voyage of self-discovery (which I highly recommend kick-starting when single).
Ask yourself: how can I have a soul mate, when I don’t know my own soul? It’s like going shopping without knowing your size. I believe your relationship with yourself is the most defining factor in shaping the kind of life you live. For love is the binding agent that holds the whole world together. There are worlds in you, have you fallen in love with everyone? I like to define love as a deep appreciation. Do you have an appreciation for the shooting stars of ideas that flash through your mind? Or the lake of affirmation in your heart that can quench your thirst? Do you visit the heaven of your spirit, a place God meets you? Sometimes, I put conditions on my self-love. I believe the lie that there are locked doors between my worlds. Yet I only need to look down into myself to see I hold every key.
In singleness, I hope you learn the art of becoming a self-sustained vessel of love. You (with God) hold the power to complete full love that you’ve been desperately seeking for. My prayer is that you come to understand you have to love yourself so that no one would ever dare to love you half-hearted, not again. Love is a choice; will you be bold enough to pick yourself?
“I know you’ve been searching for that person who shakes up your life and rattles your soul, but maybe you need to look a bit closer because that person is you” Dane Thomas
Six months ago, I just woke up and decided to pick me. What felt like a time of famine was really an abundance, I just couldn’t see it at the time.
Stop looking for The One to spend the rest of your life with.
Be The One.
This is a two-part BITESIZE series about the season of singleness! Next bite will be released May 16, 2019 ;)
Journal of a Virgin