Part Two of "The Two Types of Singleness".
Open singleness is the season in-between closed singleness and a serious relationship. It is when you go on dates, maybe download a dating app, flirt with the cute guy at the gym and courageously ask that person out for coffee. In the words of a true millennial, this is when you are “single and ready to mingle” (emphasis on ready). The purpose of open singleness is to figure out what you are looking for in a partner and hopefully find someone you want to do life with.
When do you know that you are ready to enter into open singleness? Great question. I am glad you asked ;) Honestly, this is hard to predict.
But I knew I was on the right track when I wanted to go on a date not because I wanted the attention, not to make my ex jealous and not as a form of distraction.
Instead, I genuinely was interested in knowing another person. AND I knew that if this person rejected me, I would be able to handle with grace. AND I could confidently claim I loved myself, not from an egotistical, arrogant standpoint, but a place of quiet strength and certainty.
An important question to ask yourself is, "would you date you?". My hope is you enter "open singleness" when your well-being is healthy enough to handle the chaotic dating scene of the 21st century.
Six months ago, my mom told, “Riley I think it is time you put yourself out there”. Isn’t it funny how sometimes your parents know you better than yourself? In all honesty, I had gotten quite comfortable with the idea of singlehood. I was like Robin Hood; except I was on a mission to save myself. Plus, I was thoroughly enjoying the benefits of singleness; randomly booking overseas flights, embracing all this free time, making new friends and having the sole control over my Friday nights. The thought of opening my heart to love was terrifying.
Nonetheless, I decided to give God a weekend. And guess what happened? I went on four dates!! Here I was thinking I would slowly inch my way onto the stage of dating when BAM, God pulled the curtain back and there I was, feeling awkward as a set of four eyes stared at me.
What have I learnt from my current open singleness?
Whether in closed or open singleness, or even in a relationship, I hope you love yourself first, because that's who you'll be spending the rest of your life with.
Journal of a Virgin